


Break the Silence

by kikibug13



Category: Code Geass
Genre: Angst, Discussion of canonical character death, Love Confessions, M/M, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-25
Updated: 2015-07-25
Packaged: 2018-04-11 03:59:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4420451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kikibug13/pseuds/kikibug13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the Sword of Akasha, one of them breaks down.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Break the Silence

**Author's Note:**

> This was written without immediate rewatch of the relevant episodes, so forgive me if I got any details wrong.

Suzaku hadn't spoken a word. Not after Lelouch had finished the bare outlines of the plan.

Oh, he had paid attention, green eyes dark but focused. He'd given agreement, or shaken his head at pieces in the refinement of the plan he disagreed with. He'd given a slow nod, his mouth a down curve, to tell him he was going to do his part. He'd watched Lelouch's scribbles of strategy and directions, listened to him and C.C. talk over the possibilities. Taken the pen and corrected the data, his knowledge of Britannian forces was better, after all.

But he hadn't said a word.

The silence weighed on Lelouch with each passing moment. When they exited the Sword of Akasha, his eyebrows were lowering, the purple eyes hard on his...

What were they now? Lelouch had no idea. He hadn't expected Suzaku of all people by his side as he faced the truths and illusions of his childhoods. As he, they, renounced the past as the way to live. As they planned to bring about a future that they wanted. 

Suzaku was part of Lelouch's plan from the beginning, but then things had gone so...

Suzaku didn't stop Lelouch from stepping behind him into his private rooms. Didn't even turn to him, and that was as much as Lelouch could take, just now. He had to _know_.

"Talk to me. If you can't do this, I have to know now, before we start."

Hand on a table, Suzaku's shoulders slumped, and he made sounds that were both laughter and sobs, somehow. The heaviness in Lelouch's stomach turned to ice, and he pushed it down.

"No, I can do it. I can kill you. We both know I can kill whoever stands in the way of what I believe in, no matter how much I--" 

His voice choked off, and Lelouch frowned. His mind started trying to think of who else could do it. This wouldn't--

"I know what you're thinking." Suzaku's words cut in. "Don't. I'll do it, better me than anyone else. Don't drag any more people into it, C.C. and I will be enough, casting the shadow of your memory into the world that'll be. No more." 

"Suzaku--"

And then Suzaku turned, and now Lelouch knew what had darkened those green eyes throughout. He had seen that naked pain in them before, though then it had been paired with anger, fury even. Now it was alone, and Lelouch's mind drew the conclusion from it despite is wanting to shut it out. Shut it away. 

_All this time... wasted._

Few moments, far too few thoughts, but Suzaku was beside him already, no, not beside him. He was kneeling in front of Lelouch, one hand reaching to dig fingers into Lelouch's palm. 

"Take it away. The Geass, take it _away_ from me."

"What? I-- I can't--" His voice trailed away, though he wasn't sure if it was because of the tears that had spilled out of Suzaku's eyes, or because he was thinking of Gottwald and the Geass Canceller. "I can't do that." Technically true. But the thought of Suzaku dying was not acceptable. So he did what he always did. He lied. 

Suzaku dropped his hand, hunching down, fingers digging, pulling at his own hair as his arms covered his face. "Please. I can't... Euphie is gone, and Nunnally..." His voice actually broke, and Lelouch winced at that, too. "I killed Nunnally, among _millions_ , and I'll kill you. _How_ am I supposed to live after that? Lelouch, please..."

Suzaku was working himself up into hysterics, by the look of it, and Lelouch... Lelouch couldn't say that he could blame him for it. Always the perfect soldier, the perfect Knight. (Who hadn't been able to protect his Princess, nor anyone else, and how that failure must have burned!) Always the faithful friend. Always with a kind word and a kinder smile, not causing, not on purpose, any more damage than he absolutely had to. Always in control. 

And it had run out. 

Lelouch dropped down to one knee, reaching out as he hadn't reached out to anyone other than Nunnally. Suzaku's sobs were shaking his whole body, but he leaned into the offered touch readily enough, the quiet repetitions of _please_ now muffled into the rapidly soaking fabric of Lelouch's coat. It took a long, long time for Suzaku to exhaust himself, sobs fading down into quiet whimpers, before he finally slumped against him.

Only then did Lelouch raise his hand from Suzaku's back, only to caress the brown hair. It was so soft under his palm. After a moment, he buried his fingers into it, combing through it slowly. Suzaku stilled. Then shivered once more. 

"Lelouch..." 

How many times had he wished he could hear this voice say his name, just like this? Helpless, and...

Wanting. 

Slowly, Lelouch used is other hand to tip Suzaku's face up. He looked a mess. He looked drained (he had looked drained from the moment he'd seen him, hours ago, but things had been far more urgent then than for Lelouch to pay mind. And now he was even more exhausted.) 

Lelouch's heart squeezed, tight. _You may take people's lives, my friend, but I kill them on the inside. The way I've killed you..._

"I can't take my order back," he said instead, quietly. "What I do only works once on a person, anyway. And I can't - you know I can't take back what's happened already." Suzaku squeezed his eyes again, but he nodded, a jerky little motion, and opened them again. "The only thing I can give... is a little more past for you to remember. Not wasted, and with no regrets."

Slowly, very slowly, Suzaku realized what Lelouch was saying. Of course he did, this _was_ Suzaku.

"It won't take much of the pain away. But when it ends, you'll know that you've not just given me my hopes for the future. You'll know that you've given me," and Lelouch's breath caught, because it was true, too. There were others he cared for, of course. Even others he loved. But. "You'll know that you've given me the one person I have left who I want, too. A time without lies. 

"Can you do that for me?" 

Suzaku was still, eyes wide, but the darkness was receding from them, ever so slowly. This time, his nod was small, and with the smoothness of motion that had always been part of how _Suzaku_ was. 

And, for the first time in his life, Lelouch vi Britannia leaned in and initiated a kiss. It tasted of tears and desperation, of loss to come, but this time? 

This time it was with the right person. The person who understood and didn't love him because of lies, or because of his own agenda, or because of any other reason but who the two of them were. Who they had been. And who they were going to be.


End file.
